Mr. H

The love of my life was my ex, we'll call him H. He's the guy I met through a friend's roommate and then had a three-way with him and his lover.

After a rather quick 2 weeks of getting to know each other, he found a place for us to move in with each other. Now remember, he had a boyfriend that he just broke up with and I just broke up with a guy...well forced to break up with him because he was a total loser and asshole for stealing money from me and lying to me like no one else before. Funny thing though, I still had feelings for the jerk and all the while living with H, I couldn't stop thinking about my ex, we'll call him Nobu. So there we are living together and truth be told, I started becoming very confused and could not decide whether I was happy or not. Obviously I've just been through a tramatic relationship, however I also did not love the new guy I happened to fall into a relationship with. We ended up being together for 3 years.

I ended up falling in love with him and by the third year, could not imagine a life without H. I was happy and he was sweet. He did anything for me as long as I didn't fuck around. In fact he was so suspicious of me that he would go through my emails and my cell phone history...no kidding! Every single day this went on. I always had to make sure to answer my phone when he called, which was like 20 times a day and again, I'm being totally serious! The thing is that I didn't mind and I was quite happy with the whole arrangement. I felt like he really cared about me and that's why he's always checking up on me.

During our third year, I had a serious conversation with H regarding my green card.

'H, I have to talk to you about something very important. You know I have an American green card, don't you?'
'Yeah, I know. Why do you ask?'
'Well immigration is starting to think I shouldn't be able to keep my green card if I'm not living in the US.'
'And?'
'Well, as you know I've always planned on moving back to Hawaii because my family's there right? So I think it's time for me to decide what I should do. To move back or stay here. The thing is that if I stay, I have to give up my green card.'
'Well, if you want, I can come with you to Hawaii to talk to your mom about the situation. I want her to feel secure in knowing that you'll be taken care of. I'll talk to her ok? How do you feel about that?'
'Wow, that would be great H, but do you really mean it because once I give it up, that's that!'
'Hey, you know I'll never leave you. How many times do I have to remind you that we were meant to be together until the day we die? Can you trust me please?'

I thought about what we just discussed and the three years we've been together and decided to put my trust in him. My life had to go on and this is the life I choose, a life with H, the person I love.

'OK, let's do it. We can visit her in two weeks time. '
'Sure, let's do it!'

Two weeks later he met my mother and told her what he promised to say. My mother was happy to hear that someone nice and sincere was finally going to take care of me. I went to the embassy to give up my green card and left Hawaii as a resident for the last time. Next time I would be entering the country as a foreign national. My boyfriend left two days later to Japan for work. I decided to stay for a few more days to keep my mother company. H and I talked on the phone everyday and I looked forward to going back to start my life as a true Japanese citizen.

As soon as I arrived in Narita, H was there to pick me up. We made small talk on the way home. As soon as we arrived, he told me to sit down and have a cup of coffee before I started to unpack. We sat across from each other and before I could say anything he blurted out these words.

'S, I want to break up with you.'

I was stunned and shocked...I can't even describe the feelings that were going through me. It felt like a really bad dream and hoped he was treating me to a really bad joke! He continued with his speech

'I realized that I don't love you anymore. I've been feeling this way for the past month. I just finally realized it now. I'm sorry and I hope you forgive me and I would be more than happy to stay friends with you.'
'So you waited for an entire month and you went all the way to Hawaii with me to tell my mother all that and watched me give up my green card so that I could stay here with you and now...you tell me you don't love me anymore? What kind of fucking bullshit is that?'
'Sorry, what can I say. It's the truth and I can't do anything about it. Please forgive me. '
'Forgive you? You want me to forgive you and stay friends with you? What kind of a fucker are you? Are you joking? If you are, you better tell me right now because I swear I might have a nervous breakdown right now!'
'You know what S, I can't talk to you right now. I should leave.'
'wait a minute, just explain to me why. There must be a reason. Another guy...you met another guy...or you have to marry a woman. Anything, just give me a logical reason because this is all not making much sense to me.'
'It's not another guy and I'm not getting married. But I don't want to talk about it.'
'You fucking owe me an explanation you mother fucker! Do you know how I feel right now? Do you know how stupid I feel?'
'Look, I hate it when you yell so I'm leaving. In fact, I'm leaving for about a week. Don't call me, I'll call you.'

The next thing you know, I'm begging him to stay. Nothing worked. He left and all I was left with was the silence of the room, my unpacked bags in the corner and thinking this must all be a dream, hoping he would be coming back any second to tell me it was all a mistake...or a joke...yes it was a very bad joke and not a funny one, but still I could forgive him. He never came back and I started to cry like I never cried in my entire life.