It's 3am and I should be asleep by now. My partner came home stinking drunk and slurring his words, attempted at a feeble apology. He arrived home at exactly 1:15am and I was too tired to argue and besides, I just wasn't feeling all that upset anymore. He was complaining about his work as usual and I knew that whatever advice I tried to give him, he wouldn't remember a single thing we talked about so decided to save my breath.

So my partner and I have been together for 6 years, the longest relationship I've been in. I can't really say it's monogamous and we don't really talk about it. He's a typical Japanese guy that doesn't say what's on his mind unless he's had a few drinks. The first three years were difficult, with our differences in personalities and cultures...he being a true Japanese and I being raised in America for most of my childhood years. I truly did want a monogamous relationship in the beginning. I sometimes think about even these days. My partner doesn't seem to be too interested in talking about all that stuff. He says he doesn't fuck around and I sort of believe him...I mean he's a pretty straight gay guy. However he does seem to have secrets that he won't share with me and I don't even attempt to go there. I tried in the first couple of years...never worked. It seems as though we just sort of drifted to this point in our relationship. I do love him dearly and I can't imagine a life without him...most of the time. Still I wonder if this is the relationship that I've always wanted.

I am just being selfish thinking this way? Maybe I'll never know the answer.