I woke up feeling groggy this morning. My partner of 6 years waking me up to kiss me goodbye. Since I got to bed at a little past 5am, I was still extremely sleepy and my eyes could hardly stay open. Like every morning, I walked with him to the door to kiss him goodbye and to wish him a good day. He said that he wouldn't be able to call during lunch today as he has to go on a business trip out of Tokyo. He also told me that he will be going to dinner with friends for the lottery drawing...actually our friends to be exact. Every quarter, a group of us gets together to collectively purchase lottery tickets and meet for the drawing to see if we got lucky. Funny thing is that I don't remember hearing about the dinner tonight.

'You never told me that it was tonight?'
'Yes I did, I clearly told you about tonight!'
'Well if you told me, why don't I remember anything about it?'
'Well I certainly did tell you. Would you like to go?'

Feeling more than upset, I said no and told him to go and have a good time.Well, to be honest with you, I really don't remember him telling me about this and I'm kind of upset about it. I mean why couldn't he just have asked me if I wanted to go last night? Or the night before? Or at least some time in the near past. No, he made no mention of it whatsoever and so decided to look at the positive side of the entire thing. I have the entire evening to myself and I'll be able to work without any interruptions. Yes, I will have a relaxing evening by myself. But no, it's not that easy to put my emotions aside and can't seem to get back to sleep. I am positively fuming at my partner not being considerate enough to have brought this up. If I don't remember him asking me to go with him, he certainly must have forgotten, purposely not have told me or that I have Alzheimer's.

I make myself a cup of decaf and turn on the TV. After 30 minutes I force myself to sleep.I wake up around 12 noon. A fuck buddy of mine is coming over at 1pm as we have to talk about business. There will be no sex today and we are just talking about business. It's convenient really because neither of us seems to be in the mood anyway. It turned out to be a good meeting so after he left, I did feel a little better.

Still the bad mood continued throughout the day.I did some chores around the house, went to buy something to eat and watched a couple of episodes of Queer As Folk:The Final Season. I just finished watching episode 10 so I'm almost at the end. I cried my eyes out when Brian finally said "I love you" to Justin. Am I rediculously emotional or what?!! After that, I finally got to wondering. Am I truly happy in my relationship with my partner of 6 years? It's a Friday night for Christ's sake! Yet he leaves me alone on a Friday night with nothing to do.

Conveniently, I received an email from a guy who'd like to fuck me. I told him to come on over...besides I have nothing else better to do and I'm pissed as is.It's 8:30pm now and he's most likely enjoying dinner with some friends. My new fuck friend should be here any minute now. I mean what else am I supposed to do? Brood over how lonely and pathetic I feel? Wonder what I should say to him when he comes home? I really don't feel like brooding in my negative mood right now so all I can say is this. FUCK IT!