Woke up feeling good today. It was raining again but the rain was good as it matched my mood...a feeling of peace and myself surrendering to destiny. I wasn't in an overly optimistic mood or anything like that. Just peaceful with what is and the fact that there are some things you can't do anything about. The autumn rain was wiping away all remnants of the hot summer. I went to the gym today and I was freezing as I chose to wear shorts and sandals. On the train ride to the gym, my feet started becoming cold. I had a good workout today. Did some weights and a class of yoga. After that, I leisurely walked over to the largest bookstore in Shinjuku, which ended up being 20 minutes away.

I don't remember when I started liking bookstores, but I love them. In almost every country I visit, I tend to visit a bookstore. In fact I can spend hours inside a bookstore just browsing for something to purchase. Some of the titles that caught my attention today were:

Air Babylon
Men's Vogue
Entrepreneur Magazine
Hip Hotels Budget
Your First Year in Network Marketing
Luxury Guide to Walt Disney World

I stopped by Peck, an Italian bakery for bread(curry puff, chocolate roll, mini calzone) and decided to go home. I got to my station, picked up a couple of travel brochures to read on the train, (Universal Studios Osaka and Guam)bought some Chinese food in my neiborhood before finally arriving home. I warmed up the Chinese food and made some soup for dinner. Did some business over the phone before my partner came home.

We talked about our future(complaining mostly about his job and his shitty colleagues and me telling him to just quit) until he fell asleep. I suddenly hear the familiar bell that informs me of an incoming message on my SKYPE chat.It's my friend C.

'hi sweetie'
'hiya C'
'sorry to log in so late...busy now?'
'not really...just was talking with a colleague'
'oh ok...better not to interrupt you then'
'going to sleep soon?'
'I just read your blog...it's interesting...seriously.'
'you did? all of it?
'yes, was feeling sad for the couple who died in the fire incident'
'yeah it was very sad'
'and worried about you having the attack, you really have to be careful. That's how heart attacks starts. Have you seen a doctor about it?'
'yep been seeing the doctor for 3 years now. Checked my hear twice and says nothing's wrong with my heart. It was diagnosed as a panic attack'
'oh gosh'
'Yeah, it's really tough when I have them'
'well...I am sure it is'
'I mean physically I feel like I'm about to die'
'and I read that part you said you called your BF and always feel like telling him you love him...that was really sweet...and you said that you were being dramatic...I think not'
'Oh, that was when I was having one of my attacks at the train station, well I felt like a drama queen...I always feel that way afterwards'
'oh come on, you're not...seriously it's good to speak your mind'
'I appreciate you saying that, it means a lot'
'always say what's on your mind or else you might regret it later on'
'most Japanese probably wouldn't agree with you...in fact my boyfriend doesn't say it either, but I think that's just the Japanese way...he says I love you like once a year'
'well...my BF doesn't say it that much either...guess it's the Chinese way'
'haha'


'S You are very expressive with words and I'm not saying that to make you happy, I'm saying it from my heart, otherwise I wouldn't bother reading your blogs'
'Wow, I'm speechless, don't know what to say. It's kind of funny...you seem to understand me...which is very rare in my life...you understand what I'm trying to express, say or what I'm feeling...can't really explain it'
'It's not difficult to understand someone...there are two important things in order to understand people...the person must open up to you and you must be able to feel what that person is feeling...logical really'
'true'
'just that most of the time, other issues and matters cloud our thoughts'
'hmmm...that makes a lot of sense actually.'

The chat continues:


'S Do you know why you have such bad feelings? or should I say disappoinments?'
'why C?'
'Because you have expectations'
'So are you saying that I shouldn't have any expectations?'
'The answer is...do what you feel, I can't answer that for you.'
'I new that was going to be the answer'
'for me, I will always expect something'
'I used to wish that there was a road map of some kind and that someone would tell me what decisions to make in life...I used to think that...I mean would't it make life much easier?'
'And boring...not too interesting'
'I guess so'

For the rest of the chat, we talk about my family, Buddhism, reincarnation, destiny and business. He's a rare man I must say as I hardly ever meet anyone who can talk with me for such a long time. I realize that I miss talking with him and that he makes me feel good. I also realize that he's making me laugh...something I haven't done in a long time. I mean a real and genuine laugh that comes from the heart. We have a connection...all the more strange because we've never met before in real life.
He knows things about me that other people don't see. I can't fake myself with this person...he makes me think about things that are buried deep within. He's visiting Tokyo in November and I must say, I'm a bit nervous to meet him. He believes in destiny. I don't know what I believe in. However if there is such a thing as destiny, there must be a reason we met.