A year ago I remember Mondays being one of my favorite days of the week. Most people find Mondays to be the most depressing day of their week but it wasn't for me. As you know, I've been with my partner for 6 years. About a year ago, I was going through a phase where I was quite happy with my freedom and not having to think about my partner. I seriously felt like the relationship was better when we weren't really together. I was going to a dance club on a regular basis. I started getting to know a lot of people in the club scene, including people in other countries. I was traveling with friends and a lot of times, by myself. It was fun and I felt like I was having the best of both worlds. The single life and the married life!

Today was also a Monday. However I felt very fatigued and not all that happy. I seem to be having a lot of down days recently and I worry that I might be coming down with depression. The last time I had a major depression was more than 7 years ago, when I had just broken up with my last partner. Yeah, we lived together also and were together for a mere 3 years. Until that point in my life, that was the longest relationship I've ever had. I loved him a lot and I thought he loved me the same. Let me tell you about this guy...the love of my life and the guy I decided to risk everything for.

I met him while I was with another guy through a friend. My friend's roommate(who was a woman) was telling me about a crush she had for this Thai guy a long time ago. She said that him and his boyfriend are coming to Japan for holiday and if I could come with her to meet them at a bar in Shinjuku. During this time I was going through a very bad relationship who was stealing money from me (now this is another story for another day) and I needed to get out of the house. So I said yes to her invitation and met up with them. I wasn't really interested in meeting anyone, but they were friendly and the Thai guy ended up telling me that he liked me. His Japanese boyfriend told me that he was going back to Bangkok the next day so if I could hang out with his Thai boyfriend. He also mentioned that his boyfriend was attracted to me and that I could do anything I wanted...they had an open relationship and it didn't bother him. Long story short, the Thai guy and I ended up going home together...back to his hotel I mean.

The final evening of his stay, we all went to a karaoke bar with a group of people. I started thinking about how fucked up my life is with my boyfriend I started to cry. Everyone thought I was crying because of the Thai guy leaving...so did he. He found it endearing and he told me not to be sad. I was too tired to explain so I just went along with it, I didn't care. So he went back to Thailand the next day. At that time, I was doing network marketing with a company called Herbalife. Thailand was just opening up so I decided to go there to create an organization there. As if on cue, I had a sudden phone call from the Thai guy's boyfriend. I told him I was coming to Thailand and he said that he would be my translator. I said that was cool. We met up in Thailand and the Japanese guy ended up becoming my distributor and we worked hard together while I was there. The last evening I needed to go for a drink as I worked my ass off for a week. They took me out for a night of dancing. It was time to go back to my hotel and I invited them to come for a cup of coffee as the Japanese guy seemed extremely drunk and I didn't want him to drive home in that condition. As soon as we entered my hotel room, the Japanese guy jumped on top of me and started to kiss me while taking my clothes off. His Thai boyfriend looked surprised but started to undress at the same time. I knew what was going to happen next and as I always do, just went with the flow. I didn't care. Besides I was in a shitty relationship and hell, I needed to release my stress and what better way than to have a 3-way!

They stayed the entire night and I was fucked exactly 7 times by them taking turns on me. By morning I no longer wanted any more sex and seriously, didn't think I needed to have sex for the entire year. My ass hurt and I was tired. They had it easy as they took turns taking naps. Felt like a total whore but like I said, I didn't give a fuck.

Next day I left for Tokyo. The day after my arrival I had a call from the Japanese guy saying he was visiting Tokyo the next day. We decided to meet at his hotel and ended up fucking again. He said that his Thai boyfriend wanted the three of us to live together in Bangkok and that we could be a threesome...whatever that means. I said no as I just couldn't imagine what kind of situation that would be. Apprently they've done this before and they were comfortable with it. I'm usually game for anything, but this was too much. We talked a lot while he was here and I told him about the destructive relationship I was in. He told me that I should get out of it as soon as possible but I said it wasn't that easy because he owed my a lot of money...money he took without permission from my bank account. Yeah, I know stupid of me to have told him my PIN number but we were like living together for 3 years!!! I trusted him completely and had no idea this was going to happen. This is the main reason why I was in network marketing in the first place. He was in debt and I wanted to help him. Okay, getting off the subject so saving that story for another day...

The events during the next week is a blur. The Japanese guy, we will call him H. He went back to Thailand. He broke up with his lover over me...they both wanted me but the Japanese one wanted me exclusively. I told him don't break up on my account, I wasn't ready anyway. I didn't even love him for fuck's sake! But break up they did and H came back to Tokyo, forced my boyfriend to leave me alone, told the guy to pay up and helped me move my things out to a new place he found. So in that short amount of time, all these things happened and I was in a state of confusion. No, I did not get all my money back, just a few hundred dollars. He owed me like $50,000US!!!

After all this, I never saw the guy again, and after three years of happy times with H, we ended up breaking up anyway. This story is getting way too long so I'm continue this tomorrow. Long story short(wait, how many times have I said that?), I was devestated when HE announced that he wanted to break up! For the first time in a long time, I wanted to die.