Even though there are clouds above me, it's a lovely day really. After three days of rain, any dry day is a welcome relief. We're in the middle of April and I am proud to say I am officially two-timing my boyfriend. Gosh I haven't used that word in ages...ever since high school. Yes I have two boyfriends...it almost feels as if I'm acting out a role from a past life...when people used to have concubines or mistresses. Just writing this out makes me feel dizzy. I keep asking myself how I ever got myself into this mess and I really don't know where things went wrong. Then again, there is no right in this situation and only wrong I suppose. I never meant things to get this serious and complex.

I'm beginning to understand what a friend of mine was going through ages ago. He was totally depressed about having two lovers and didn't know who to choose. I thought he was absolutely nuts and a hopeless nympho. So what the fuck is wrong with me anyway? I keep asking myself why? why? why?

I sort of know the reason why. I know deep down inside. I'm just scared to confront them that's all and I don't seem to be ready for it.