1971-1975 Memories

My mother and I arrived in Honolulu, Hawaii sometime around 1971 I was told. We left my sister behind as we couldn't afford the plane ticket for her. My father's younger brother Uncle Nobu supposedly gave my mother enough money for two one-way tickets for my mother and me. So we left Japan without my sister.

I started going to school and remember my first day. The teacher saying something to me but no matter how hard she tried, I didn't understand a word she was saying to me. I had no idea why she was upset.

The first person who befriended me was a girl in my class, Elise Nakama. She was a very strange girl as she was always insisting that I speak Japanese and as a reward she would do the splits for me. Whe made my first weeks in school extremely confusing.

I went to a private school until the 5th grade. I fairly enjoyed those days as most of the kids were well mannered except for a few like David Nakahara. I still see him sometimes and he is still a very troubled person.

I was never to participate in sports as I had a very weak heart. That's what my mother tells me. I also remember I started to get gray hair when I was only in the 3rd grade. It was due to the medication I had to take for years since birth. I was expected to live until I was about 7 years old as long as I kept taking the medication. Finally my body would not take any more medication and for some reason, I started throwing up everytime I tried to take them, My grandmother got fed up with the doctors and she started throwing the medication away as they were doing me no good. My grandmother and mother prayed real hard for me and guess what?...I lived! I loved art and music classes like any typical gay person. What I hated with a passion is science and geography. I swear, those classes were so boring none of the information would get through to my brain cells no matter what! I hate to admit it, but I hated Physical Ed as I was not allowed to participate and felt left out.

My grandmother and her husband Norisan flew over to Hawaii with us as my grandmother was worried about me. I think they stayed for about 2 years. My mother got remarried to this devil-like man. I think she married just to get our green cards. Anyway, he would abuse her day and night almost every other day. I hated the fact that I couldn't do anything except cry. I still see him pushing the bed against the wall with my mother caught in-between the bed and the wall! I thought one day he would kill her. Once I cried with all the strenght I had and he stopped! But then he grabbed me by the neck and started banging my head against the wall. After that I don't remember what happened. They finally got a divorce after 2-3 years and that was that. My mother used to hit me for no reason...if she had one, I didn't know about it. Well, she hit me a lot and I thought I ws being a pretty good kid. I came to fear her and decided to just not say anything anymore. I stilll loved here though...

Before I forget, my dad had divorced my mother back in Japan. He was always spending my mother's money on gambling and other women. I don't regret not having a father. It was better not to have lived with a man like that. I hated him then...I don't hate him anymore though...I feel sorry for him. He is trying to be fatherlike to me these days especially since I live in Tokyo now. It is too late for me. It is too late for my sister. It is to late to change the damage that has been done. I forgive you anyhow.

My sister arrived a few years later and she was like a stranger to me. My sister was always a loving person even back then so she immediately stuck to me like I had always been her big brother. It wasn't that easy for me. In fact, I tried to stay away from her and till this day, I don't know why I treated her this way. I hate thinking about it and though I never tell my sister this, my eyes tear up thinking about those days. I wish that I could take back all the things I did to her...wish I had been a better brother...maybe she wouldn't have taken all those drugs...maybe she would have had a better youth if it wasn't for me. I hate myself for that.

For some reason I don't remember that I had any friends, maybe I didn't have any. It sure seemed that way.

So, I had a pretty shitty childhood, I gained a lot of weight from overeating and watching Sesame Street, I never opened up to anyone and started to depend on myself. I hate to say this and I am not proud of it, but I hated those days.